Here Are The Drain Cleaning Facts

by Apple Plumbing • July 13, 2022

THE STORY YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ IS MADE UP. THE NAMES WERE CHANGED TO PROTECT THE AUTHORS, SINCE WE WEREN’T REAL THRILLED WITH THE FIRST NAMES WE CAME UP WITH, AND IN CASE THERE ARE ANY PEOPLE OUT THERE WITH THESE ACTUAL NAMES WHO HAPPEN TO HAVE LAWYERS.
 
“I use it every time my husband or I go to the bathroom,” the blonde said. “I have to. Otherwise, we get icky stuff bubbling up in the shower.”
 
Approximately 11 a.m., we’re working the express check-out lane at Basher’s, a popular local grocery store. The subject has a cart full of Drain-Yo, a popular local drain cleaning chemical. My name is Tuesday, chief of the DDD (Drain Detectives Division). My partner is Joe “Flush” Gordon.

Drain Detectives Division
 
We don’t carry badges, but we do have some pretty cool ID cards. Several dozen people live in this city, and nearly all of them have toilets and/or showers in their homes. Right now, though, we’re interviewing “Cindy,” whose cart contains coffee, microwave popcorn, two bananas, paper towels, and the Drain-Yo.
 
Drain YO!“That’s a lot of Drain-Yo,” Gordon mentions.
 
“We have some very slow drains,” Cindy mentions right back.
 
“Is that so?”
 
“Yes.”
 
The investigation seems to have stalled, so I step in.
 
“Ma’am, we’re not arresting you at this time. There’s nothing illegal about purchasing microwave popcorn. Not yet. And there’s nothing wrong with buying multiple economy-sized bottles of Drain-Yo.”
 
“Well, that’s a relief,” Cindy said, her attitude turning surly.
 
She lit a cigarette. The checker told her there was no smoking in Basher’s. She dropped the butt on the floor and ground it out with the toe of her stylish size-six sneakers. The checker announced on the overhead speakers a request for a dry clean-up. Gordon and I exchanged suspicious looks.
 
I flashed my – badge – and stated my business.
 
“Ma’am, we’re looking for drain problems in the Scottsdale area,” I said. “And I have to say, while your purchases are not illegal, strictly speaking, they are mighty suspicious. Why the heavy load of drain cleaner?”
 
“Well, every time we flush the toilet, it backs up.”
 
“Just the facts, Ma’am.”
 
No Smoking In The Drain Cleaner Aisle“Right. Also, our sinks run very slowly. And when we run the dishwasher, the toilet gurgles.”
 
“I see.”
 
Gordon jumps in: “And you thought pouring drain cleaner down the toilet would help?” he said.
 
“As a matter of fact, it does help,” Cindy said, lighting another cigarette and getting another dress-down from store personnel.
 
“If the drain cleaner solves the problem, why keep buying it?” I asked. “Wouldn’t the first bottle have done the trick? And isn’t that stuff kinda expensive?” (I’m known for my shrewd investigative reasoning, which is why I’ve been promoted to head of the division.)
 
At this point, the subject breaks down crying, and reaches for her cigarettes, which are quickly confiscated by a passing store manager. “God help me,” she sobs. “I feel like I’ve been sentenced to buying Drain-Yo for the rest of my life.”
 
“Drain cleaner is not your final fate,” Gordon said, placing a comforting hand on Cindy’s shopping cart, since touching her shoulder would’ve been a 475, Touching A Person. “What you need is a great Scottsdale plumber who can solve your clogged drain problem for good.”
 
“That’s right,” I added. “Call Apple Plumbing Services. They’re the Scottsdale plumbers with more than two decades of drain-cleaning expertise. They can run a camera down your sewer line, find the exact location of your problem, and fix it.”

Apple Pluming Services has the state-of-the-art equipment and expertise to clean your drains,” Gordon added, since he never shuts up, if you ask me. “They can ‘root’ your drains with cables, or even give your drains a clean bill of health with a cutting-edge power washing technique called Hydro-Jetting.”
 
“Just the facts, Gordon,” I said. “Call Apple,” I told Cindy. “They’ll promptly offer you an expert consultation and let you know what the best and most cost-effective solution will be.”
 
The subject was grateful,
 
“I’m grateful,” she said, wiping her eyes and looking around for her cigarettes. “I clearly need expert Scottsdale plumbers pronto, and I’ll call Apple Plumbing Services right away.”
 
“No need to thank us,” I said.
 
“Don’t worry, I won’t,” Cindy said. “I’ll thank Apple Plumbing Services for solving my clogged drain problem in the most efficient and cost-effective way.”
 
Gordon and I moved on. There was a guy in Aisle Six, packing his cart with drain cleaner. As we moved in on him, we couldn’t help but wonder whether the highly-trained and distractingly attractive Scottsdale plumbers from Apple Plumbing Services would one day solve every drain problem in the area.
 
And put us out of business.
 
 
If you need drain cleaning services, call Apple Plumbing Services. With a Three decades of drain cleaning experience, the expert Scottsdale plumbers at Apple can help you where other plumbers might not. Also, never smoke in a grocery store. So uncool.
 
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